It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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