I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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