i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
