Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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