i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
