I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
