I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
