"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father