You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed