Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.