Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.