the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.