can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
