we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?