I molested 6 butterflies tonight
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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