just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
