Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
