just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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