Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
