areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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