i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
