I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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