I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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