and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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