um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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