i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
