when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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