I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
