Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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