If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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