I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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