man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
