In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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