ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
