I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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