too bad you live with your parents still
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
