so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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