Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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