It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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