I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
did i just pee glitter
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