'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
