Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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