The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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