True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
