omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
