Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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