i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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