Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
