When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
