The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what day is it and did you see me today?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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