I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
