We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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