why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
