Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
