thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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