if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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