Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
