so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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