Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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