Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
