How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
