I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
its not stalking. its research.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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