Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
