I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
