is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
