if you like me you must not know who I am
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
